Cycle Accident - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

It has been just over six weeks since my bicycle accident and is something that plagues me on a daily basis.

Still with pain in my right knee which is due to be scanned in a couple of weeks, I hurts to think of myself on a bicycle. This is not from the thought of physical capability but from the fear and trepidation of not being up to it mentally.

In recent weeks I have felt isolated not being able to talk about the accident or cycling which had always been a big part of my life both in practice and verbal promotion. Each time I was drawn into conversation about cycling and the accident in particular I had to stop in my tracks or break down in tears without any warning. So, what I do is avoid the topic completely and not get trapped on the subject when it comes along.

Sleep is another factor, or should I say the lack of it. Getting to sleep is a problem as my mind wanders into many areas, including reflections on the accident focusing of the sequential events of that ill fated morning. From the joy of a lovely morning in second wind on quiet roads looking forward to the undulating road across the other side of Kingsbury Road, to the sound of the van crashing into the car, then the deflected car speeding towards me and the head on impact into me. The lying in the street realising I was injured and daren't move, which felt like a lifetime of waiting. People around me staring, then the police, the paramedics and total confusion. Trying to be polite and not cause people trouble joking but from shock.

The journey to hospital in the ambulance with sirens running, the rest was a blur until I found myself outside the hospital with some surgeons trousers on and broken cycling SPD shoes faced with getting public transport home. All I remember about that was deciding whether I should actually go to work at that point, even though I was in severe pain! Why? I did go to work the next day and that was a bad decision

Even now I feel it hard to write about this and I have butterflies in my stomach thinking about how I can cope it I cannot mentally get back on a cycle again. Depressive thoughts.

I need therapy and counselling I feel. Being a very strong mentally disciplined person I felt I could get through this myself by now by pushing myself hard to make out there is nothing wrong with me, but I can't. The though of buying another bicycle usually excites me immensely, but it doesn't for the first time in my life and I have no incentive to look. This is very worrying and out of character for me as anyone who knows me would tel you.

Right now I just want to stay in my flat and not talk to anyone, not text or ring friends and feel like a recluse. At work I get angry, whereas that is completely the opposite of my history of working practice as a teacher/trainer. 

Seeing other cyclists on the road make me feel quite numb and I am not sure what to make of them. There is a no thought of emotion seeing cyclists. Why?

Lastly, the planned cycle rides and events I had booked up and planned will not be ridden as it stands. I really don't know how I can live without those normally exciting goals in front of me!

Bulgarian Crime - The Attraction

Crime in the UK is still on the climb and it is hard to imagine anyone in the UK who has not been directly or indirectly affected by this.

There are lots more reasons to leave the UK other than the events of crime and the total loss of a fair judicial system, however it is still one of the main players in the swing of people wanting to get away from Britain.

It is fair to say that a good proportion of British just put up with things as crime spirals its way out of control affecting the vast majority of people's quality of life and indeed freedom. Some of course don't even realize that other ways of life exist away from this and that the UK is the centre of the Universe come rain or shine - fair play but a shame.

The suggestion of looking at others who have had the vision and have tried it as these are the testimonies that ring true and give a new light of hope to many others who do not wish to be the pioneers and risk takers. Many follow on once a pathway has been trodden and expatriate communities abroad form from this in many instances, safety in numbers is a comfort for some.

Back to Britain, I refrain from calling it Great Britain but may rephrase that as Grate Britain as law abiding people are being put through the mill of an ill society that fails to protect them before, during and after crime strikes. A country that has become so over moral the whole system can't breathe from being strangled from it. Crime is now firmly rooted into UK society and part of the culture there now because in many cases it pays, but goes much deeper than that.

In Bulgaria crime exists but it is dealt with in a totally different way, criminals are punished when caught! Sometimes injustice may seem to have been done, perhaps on occasions innocent parties are punished but this is not common and say that these instances should be looked upon as an acceptable level of tolerance within the system.

No system is perfect but you have to look at the whole effectiveness of the system in place not just at the little nuts and bolts. I can see many a moral maniacs building up a head of steam with this but look again at what this shows in respect for the law and again look again at how you see things from your patch. No one has a right to judge other countries systems of law, in fact Bulgaria has as much right to tell Britain how to run their system.

Look at the bottom line, look at the overall effectiveness, look at the system that puts people off from committing crime - Question: Where exactly is the crime rate highest?

In many people's books there should be a fear of doing something criminal this just doesn't seem to be there in the UK but is here in Bulgaria. The police are feared here (as opposed to respected in many instances) and this is in conjunction a sprinkling of corruption within. That again may be deemed as another acceptable level that helps the police system work with fear in place. In turn, walking the law enforced tightrope carefully to most Bulgarian citizens is how it is and how it works here.

And yes, the Mafia work in their own circles doing their Mafia things in their own circles but Mafia exist worldwide with deep roots in the UK! They seem to be feared by all including the police but again this hierarchy is worldwide.

When the streets aren't safe to walk in the day as well as night then there is something terribly wrong with that society - You can do this in the vast majority of areas in Bulgaria. If truth is told you are more likely to get attacked by an inquisitive donkey than a mugger in most of the country and that in itself is rare enough.

Worldwide cities and large town attract criminal activities Bulgarian no exception but that's really where it ends and then there's the Roma. The Roma are a different story but again we all live with them worldwide some more acceptably than others.

So Bulgaria is a destination for many where the crime rate is non existent in many areas. That it the big appeal to so many. I am lucky enough to live in one of those areas where mine countless other villages find a totally crime free society within. The community don't need police as they know that everyone knows what is right and wrong in the local community. They police themselves!

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