Google Translator - Very Funny Sometimes

We have discovered Google translator and now I can write to my Bulgarian partner Galia in Bulgarian and Galia in turn can write to me in English and fully understand each other better than ever before - it is like an instant miracle or getting a sixth-sense. We have been writing to each other for the last few days through Skype using the Google translator before posting our messages, fantastic, but extremely funny sometimes.

As with all non-human translators, the meaning and phrasing don't always make a logical statement and such was the case on many occasions over the last couple of days.

I have given a few of these funny moments for you to see. My short explanation of the intended meaning is bracketed underneath.

tonight I will hire some food
(Tonight I will buy some food)

you breakfast?
(Have you had breakfast)

increase the degree of air conditioning and let your oven
(Turn the air-conditioner up and light the gas fire)

a man who lives for us will lead me
(a neighbour will drive me (home))

You sit on your ass
(Can you sit down on your bottom yet? - referring to my slipped disc injury)

after work I go drink in a brandy plum and salad
(I'm going for a Salad and Rakia after work - she was teasing me as I am confined in bed)

No doubt there will be many more of these in the future